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I don't know why they call it heartbreak.� It feels like every other part of my body is broken too.� ~Missy Altijd

yesterday was a bad at work i was written up, and I told the supervisor how i really feel about working there. I feel kind of stuck cant comprehend why I cant get promoted there not sure what the problem is I do not like her and her ghetto ass self. The job isnt difficult but dealing with her on a daily basis isnt the most pleasant expierence. I stay to myself most of the time,cause I dont fit in nothing new. Anyway john and I had a talk abut about my needs not being met, sure he was offended. Oh well it was either� tell him the truth, or do what I do best, which is ax him. I love him but I love myself more, cant be unfufilled and be happy. I think the problem is resolved. His jealousy or whatever one would call it is like nails on a chalkboard. Iam a free spirit, I enjoy my space. Just wonder is love enough.....He gives me plenty of attention there is no lack. But sometimes I feel he isnt ambitious enough or motivated enough. I need him to lead this thang take charge, maybe that is a role he isnt familiar with idk. I dont want to be with someone I have to constantly pump and prime. I feel that as a man there are somethings one should do without having to be asked.� Although my ex husband was horrible to me, I never went without! He did anything and everything with in his means to help me. Even if it meant breaking the law he held it down for his family. Ivan's drive is an example of� the kind of man I desire.
Often times I find myself holding back on many levels... not good I� know.
�He asked me was I reminiscing the past. The obvious answer was� no�which was a lie. No man wants to hear that his woman is thinking about another man in any context. When I consider my former life, its like wow� that was me? Cant believe sometimes I am monogamus. For the first time� I dont have a back up plan. I left tony alone at the beginning of this year. We were casual fuck partners for many years, but i began to feel� that I need more than what he could offer.
Also gave jammie the boot he dick was huge, but his pockets were thin. That is one cheap ass brotha! He wanted� a woman to take care of him� his mother� fucked him up for life! I miss the times when he would call me just to� come over and hold him. I like men who can let there guard down. John� is cool he holds me, gives me attention when I need it but I always wonder whether he is doing it out of a sense of obligation or love for me. I have a hard time talking to him because he is a� bit sensitive, and takes every word I say personally!